How to Identify Your Parenting Values Before Baby Arrives
When preparing for a baby, it's easy to get swept up in external advice: the must-have gear, the feeding debates, the "right" routines. But one of the most powerful things you can do is pause and ask: What actually matters to me?
At Internal Nesting Wellness, we believe parenting preparation begins within. One foundational part of this process is clarifying your personal values, those deeply held beliefs that guide how you want to parent, show up in relationships, and care for yourself.
Why Values Matter in Parenthood
Your values act like an internal compass. They help you:
Navigate hard decisions (even when opinions differ)
Set boundaries that protect your mental health
Stay connected to what matters when things feel overwhelming
Let go of guilt when your parenting choices don’t match societal expectations
Without knowing your values, it's easy to be pulled in a hundred directions by outside influences, such as family, social media, culture, or internalized beliefs.
Common External Influences on Parenting Values
Cultural or religious norms
Gender expectations (e.g. “mothers should be selfless”)
Family patterns (e.g. “we never showed emotions growing up”)
Social media comparisons
Part of internal nesting is deciding what you want to carry forward and what stops with you.
Common Guiding Values in Parenthood
Emotional and Relational
Connection – Prioritizing emotional closeness and secure attachment
Empathy – Seeing and validating your child’s feelings and experience
Respect – Treating your child (and yourself) with dignity and care
Patience – Allowing space for learning, mistakes, and development
Compassion – Leading with kindness, even during hard moments
Emotional Safety – Creating a non-judgmental, safe space for all feelings
Growth and Learning
Curiosity – Being open to learning about yourself and your child
Adaptability – Remaining flexible and responsive to changing needs
Intentionality – Parenting with purpose, not on autopilot
Self-awareness – Reflecting on your own patterns and impact
Growth – Valuing progress over staying the same
Lifestyle and Well-being
Presence – Slowing down to be in the moment
Playfulness – Welcoming silliness, fun, and joy
Balance – Considering your needs alongside your child’s
Simplicity – Reducing overwhelm and keeping things manageable
Rest – Protecting energy, sleep, and nervous system health
Identity
Authenticity – Letting your true self guide your parenting
Equity – Challenging systemic norms and fostering fairness
Healing – Breaking generational patterns and reparenting yourself
Spirituality/Faith – Honouring a sense of connection beyond the self
Tradition – Passing on meaningful rituals or creating your own
Freedom – Allowing your child to grow into who they are
Your values may look very different from someone else's, and that’s the point. This isn’t about doing it “right,” it’s about doing it intentionally.
Reflection Questions
1. What qualities or values do I hope my child learns from me?
2. Which parenting messages have I internalized that don’t actually align with me?
3. When I imagine feeling proud of myself as a parent, what would I be doing or standing for?
4. What do I want to protect in my family culture?
Now Let’s Get Intentional
Write down 3 values you want to centre in your parenting. Keep them visible (on a fridge, phone background, or journal) and check in weekly: Did my actions reflect these this week? What might get in the way next week?”
Clarifying your values won’t make parenting easy, however it will make it more grounded, more authentic, and more aligned with who you are. When the noise gets loud, let your values speak louder.
