Intrusive Thoughts in the Perinatal Period: You Are Not Your Thoughts
If you’ve had a sudden, unwanted thought about something terrible happening to your baby—or even a fleeting image of yourself causing harm—you’re not alone. These thoughts can feel terrifying, shameful, and completely out of character. You might wonder, “What kind of parent thinks this?”
The answer? A completely normal one.
Intrusive thoughts are extremely common in the perinatal period. They’re not a sign that something is wrong with you—they’re a sign that your brain is trying to protect what matters most to you.
What Are Intrusive Thoughts?
Intrusive thoughts are unwanted, distressing, and often repetitive thoughts, images, or urges that pop into your mind without warning. They can be violent, sexual, blasphemous, or simply disturbing—usually going against your core values.
In the perinatal period, these often revolve around:
Accidentally dropping the baby
Hurting the baby while feeding, bathing, or changing them
Fear of suffocation, contamination, or illness
Visions of something terrible happening while driving, sleeping, or walking down stairs
Sexual thoughts involving the baby (these are very distressing to the parent and not indicative of desire or intent)
These thoughts are ego-dystonic, meaning they feel deeply wrong to the person experiencing them. They stick because they feel so unacceptable—not because you want to act on them.
Intrusive Thoughts vs. Intentions
Here’s the key truth: Having a thought is not the same as having an intention.
Parents with intrusive thoughts are often among the most conscientious, caring, and gentle people—because the very idea of harm causes them deep distress. The presence of these thoughts does not mean you’re dangerous or unfit. In fact, the fear they create is often evidence of how much you care.
The Real Problem: Rumination and Safety Behaviours
Intrusive thoughts themselves are not dangerous. They’re a normal part of human cognition. What can create suffering is how we respond to them.
Many parents unknowingly fall into patterns like:
Rumination: Replaying the thought, asking Why did I think that? or What does it mean about me?
Reassurance seeking: Constantly checking in with partners, friends, or online forums
Avoidance: Steering clear of activities like bathing the baby, being alone with them, or holding them near stairs
Mental rituals: Silently repeating phrases or trying to “cancel out” the thought with a positive one
These safety behaviours are meant to reduce anxiety, but they often reinforce the fear by signaling to your brain that the thought is dangerous—which it isn’t.
Coping with Intrusive Thoughts
The good news is you don’t have to be at war with your mind. Here’s how therapy can help:
Normalize the experience: Just knowing these thoughts are common can bring immense relief.
Learn to respond differently: Through approaches like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), you can learn to acknowledge thoughts without trying to fight or fix them.
Practice acceptance: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) teaches us to make room for uncomfortable thoughts while still living in alignment with our values.
Break the cycle: Letting go of rumination and safety behaviours allows the brain to see that the thought has no real danger—and over time, the intensity and frequency naturally fade.
You Are Not Alone—Support Is Available
Intrusive thoughts can feel like one of the most isolating parts of parenthood—but they are far more common than most people realize. You are not broken, dangerous, or failing. You are a parent doing your best under the weight of fear and uncertainty.
With the right support, you can quiet the shame, loosen the grip of anxiety, and reconnect with the parent you know you are.
Reach Out for Support
At Internal Nesting Wellness, we offer compassionate, evidence-based therapy for parents struggling with perinatal mental health challenges, including intrusive thoughts, anxiety, and OCD.
