Grief Therapy
in Ontario
Grief changes more than how you feel. It can change how you understand yourself, your relationships, and the life you thought you were going to have.
There is no right way to grieve.
You might feel completely overwhelmed one day and surprisingly okay the next. You might laugh with someone you love and then feel guilty for enjoying yourself. You might find yourself functioning well on the outside while carrying an enormous amount of sadness, anger, longing or uncertainty underneath.
And sometimes, the hardest parts of grief aren’t only about the person or thing you lost. They’re about everything else that changed because of it.
Grief therapy isn’t about helping you “get over” your loss. It’s about making space for what has happened while helping you navigate the life that continues alongside it.
Grief doesn’t happen in stages
Many of us learned that grief moves through predictable stages and eventually ends in acceptance. Real grief is usually much messier. You might experience sadness, anger, relief, guilt, numbness, longing and even joy, sometimes within the same day.
You may have periods where life feels more manageable, followed by moments when grief feels suddenly close again. An anniversary, a song, a familiar place, a family milestone, or an ordinary memory can bring feelings back to the surface. This doesn’t mean you’re going backwards.
Grief isn’t a linear process, and healing doesn’t require reaching a point where the loss no longer affects you. Instead, therapy can help you develop a different relationship with grief, one that allows it to exist without expecting yourself to constantly fix, resolve, or move past it.
The Dual Process Model: Moving between grieving and living
One framework we may use in grief therapy is the Dual Process Model of Grief. Rather than viewing grief as a series of stages, this model recognizes that people naturally move back and forth between attending to their loss and attending to the life that continues around them.
Sometimes you may be loss-oriented. You might cry, look at photographs, talk about the person you lost, replay memories, feel angry about what happened, or simply allow yourself to miss them.
Other times you may be restoration-oriented. You might return to work, spend time with friends, parent your children, learn how to manage responsibilities that someone else once handled, develop new routines, or begin thinking about your future.
Neither side means you are grieving “better” and you are not expected to stay in one place. Moving between the two, sometimes turning toward grief and sometimes taking a break from it, is a natural part of adapting to loss.
You can deeply miss someone and still laugh. You can have a difficult grief day after several good ones. You can create new experiences without erasing old ones. You can grieve and live at the same time.
Sometimes we grieve more than the original loss
A significant loss often creates other losses that aren't immediately obvious. These are sometimes called secondary losses, the changes and losses that happen because of the primary loss.
For example, after losing a partner, you may also be grieving:
The future you imagined together
Your identity as someone's spouse or partner
Financial security
Shared friendships or social connections
Daily routines and traditions
Physical affection and companionship
Someone to share parenting or household responsibilities with
Your sense of safety or stability
Plans for retirement, travel, holidays or growing older together
Secondary losses can happen with many kinds of grief.
After pregnancy loss or infertility, someone may grieve not only the pregnancy or hoped-for child, but also the version of parenthood they imagined, their trust in their body, pregnancy milestones, relationships with pregnant friends or the ease they once felt imagining the future.
After the death of a parent, someone may also grieve their role within the family, family traditions, a sense of being cared for, connection to childhood or the person they would have called for advice.
Sometimes people find themselves thinking, Why does everything feel different now? Because sometimes everything is different. Therapy can help identify and make space for these secondary losses rather than expecting all of your grief to fit neatly underneath one event.
Anticipatory grief: when grief begins before the loss
Sometimes we begin grieving before something is actually gone. Anticipatory grief can happen when you know, or fear, that a significant loss or change may be coming.
This might happen while facing:
A loved one's serious or terminal illness
Dementia or cognitive decline
Changes in a loved one's independence
Pregnancy complications or an uncertain diagnosis
Fertility challenges
The anticipated end of a relationship
Changes in your own health or abilities
A major life transition
The gradual loss of the future you expected
Anticipatory grief can feel especially confusing because the person, relationship or possibility you are grieving may still be present.
You might feel sadness while also holding onto hope. You may feel grateful for the time you still have while simultaneously dreading what comes next. You might begin imagining life after the loss and then feel guilty for thinking about it. Therapy gives these conflicting experiences somewhere to exist without requiring you to decide which feeling is the “right” one.
Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) for grief
We may use Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) as part of grief therapy. When you have lost someone or something deeply meaningful, pain makes sense. Rather than trying to eliminate grief, ACT can help you develop greater flexibility in how you respond to the thoughts, memories and emotions that come with it.
We may work on noticing when you are struggling against your grief, becoming stuck in thoughts such as “I should be over this by now,” or avoiding parts of life because they bring painful emotions with them. Together, we can work toward making more room for difficult internal experiences while reconnecting with what matters to you.
That may include exploring:
What you want your relationship with grief to look like
How to make space for emotions without becoming consumed by them
How to respond differently to painful or self-critical thoughts
What still matters to you after the loss
How your values may have changed
What parts of the person or relationship you want to carry forward
How to begin taking small steps toward a meaningful life, even when grief comes with you
ACT doesn't ask you to choose between grieving and living. It helps create room for both.
What grief therapy can look like
Grief therapy at Internal Nesting Wellness is collaborative and individualized. There is no expectation that you grieve in a particular way or reach a particular emotional destination.
Depending on what you are experiencing, therapy may involve:
Understanding your individual grief process
Exploring the Dual Process Model of grief
Identifying primary and secondary losses
Navigating anticipatory grief
Making space for difficult or conflicting emotions
Working with guilt, regret, anger, or unanswered questions
Exploring changes in identity, roles, and relationships
Understanding grief triggers, anniversaries, and grief waves
Reconnecting with routines, relationships, and meaningful activities
Exploring your values and what matters to you now
Finding ways to maintain connection with what has been lost
Learning to hold grief and joy at the same time
Using ACT strategies to build psychological flexibility and move toward a meaningful life alongside grief
Virtual grief therapy is available to adults across Ontario.