Perinatal Mental Health in Dads and Non-Birthing Partners: Why It Matters Too
When we talk about perinatal mental health, most of the attention (rightfully) goes to the birthing parent. But that can leave a huge gap: the mental health of dads and non-birthing partners.
During Men’s Mental Health Month (Movember), it’s important to name something clearly: Partners struggle too. It’s a sign that this season is big and often overwhelming.
This blog focuses on men and non-birthing partners (including dads, co-mothers, and gender-diverse partners) during pregnancy and the first year after birth.
What Do We Mean by “Perinatal” and “Non-Birthing Partner”?
Perinatal period: From conception (fertility/pregnancy) through the first few years after birth.
Non-birthing partner: The parent who did not carry the pregnancy. This may be a dad, a co-mother, a trans or non-binary partner, or another primary caregiver.
Research has traditionally focused on mothers, but we now know that partners are also at significant risk for anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns in this period. Canadian and international studies suggest about 1 in 10 fathers/non-birthing partners will experience a perinatal mental health concern.
For context, Statistics Canada data show that about 1 in 4 mothers report symptoms consistent with postpartum depression or an anxiety disorder.
How Perinatal Mental Health Can Show Up in Men & Non-Birthing Partners
Symptoms often look a bit different in men and partners than in birthing parents. Below are some common presentations.
Anxiety:
Perinatal anxiety in partners can look like:
Constant worry about the baby’s health, SIDS, feeding, breathing, or development
Hyper-vigilance: needing to repeatedly check on the baby or partner
Work-related overdrive: feeling like you must “provide” and therefore working more, even when exhausted
Irritability and restlessness instead of obvious “worry”
Physical symptoms: racing heart, trouble sleeping even when the baby is sleeping, stomach issues, muscle tension
Common inner thoughts might sound like:
“If I let my guard down, something bad will happen.”
“I have to hold it together for everyone.”
“If I’m not earning enough, I’m failing my family.”
Depression
Paternal or partner postpartum depression isn’t just sadness. It can show up as:
Feeling numb, disconnected, or “going through the motions”
Increased irritability, anger, or short temper
Withdrawing from family, friends, or the baby
Using work, alcohol, gaming, or scrolling as an escape
Feeling like a “bad parent” or “bad partner”
Low motivation, low energy, changes in sleep or appetite
Thoughts like: “My family would be better off without me” or “I’m failing at all of this.”
Perinatal OCD (Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder)
Partners can also experience perinatal OCD, which is often missed because they feel too ashamed to talk about it.
This might include:
Intrusive, unwanted images of the baby being harmed (e.g., dropping the baby, drowning, suffocating)
Mental “what if” loops: “What if I snap? What if I lose control?”
Compulsions to reduce anxiety, such as:
Repeatedly checking if the baby is breathing
Avoiding being alone with the baby
Hiding sharp objects, cords, or other items that feel “dangerous”
Extreme guilt and fear that these thoughts mean something about their character (they don’t).
Birth Trauma & PTSD
Partners can experience birth trauma even if they were not the one giving birth.
This can look like:
Intrusive memories of the birth (e.g., emergency C-section, blood loss, NICU admission, feeling helpless watching the medical team)
Nightmares, flashbacks, or avoiding talking about the birth
Feeling intense panic or nausea when driving near the hospital, seeing medical shows, or hearing certain sounds
Ongoing fear that the baby or partner is going to die, even after the crisis has passed
Emotional numbness or difficulty bonding with the baby after a traumatic birth.
Grief & Loss
Non-birthing partners can experience profound grief in the perinatal period, including:
Pregnancy loss or stillbirth: grieving their baby while also supporting the birthing parent
Fertility challenges or unsuccessful treatments
Loss of the expected birth or early parenting experience (e.g., if there was a traumatic birth, NICU stay, or unexpected medical complications)
Grieving parts of life “before kids”: spontaneity, sleep, time for hobbies and friendships
Grief in men/partners is often hidden under:
Silence (“I need to be strong”) – especially since society often tells partners they need to support the birthing partner
Problem-solving mode (“I’ll just focus on logistics”)
Increased substance use, work, or distraction
Identity Shift & Relationship Changes
Becoming a parent is a major identity transition, not just for the birthing parent.
Partners may struggle with:
Feeling invisible or “extra” in healthcare settings focused on the birthing parent
Pressure to “be the rock” for everyone, while no one asks how they’re really doing
Confusion about their role with the baby: “Am I doing this right? Does the baby even need me?”
Changes in the romantic relationship: less time, less intimacy, more conflict, shifting roles
Tension between work identity and parent identity: “If I work less, we struggle financially. If I work more, I miss everything.”
Many men describe feeling like they’ve lost their old self but haven’t quite grown into the new one yet, a very normal but rarely acknowledged experience.
Risk Factors for Perinatal Mental Health Difficulties in Men & Partners
Not everyo
ne with these risk factors will develop a mental health condition, but they do increase vulnerability.
Individual factors
Personal history of depression, anxiety, OCD, trauma, or substance use
Significant sleep deprivation
Perfectionism, high self-criticism, or “I can’t fail” mentality
Previous losses (miscarriage, stillbirth, fertility struggles)
Relationship & family factors
Partner experiencing perinatal mental health difficulties. When a mother develops a mental health concern, her male partner’s risk of experiencing a perinatal mental health concern increases upwards of 50%
High conflict, poor communication, or unresolved issues around division of labour
Limited practical support from extended family or community
Systemic & social factors
Financial stress, job insecurity, or pressure to be the main “provider”
Inadequate parental leave, or fear of taking leave
Experiences of racism, homophobia, transphobia, or other forms of marginalization that add stress in healthcare and parenting spaces
Healthcare systems that focus exclusively on the birthing parent, leaving partners un-screened and unsupported.
Why Partner Mental Health Matters for the Whole Family
Perinatal mental health is a family system issue. Research shows:
Paternal mental health affects child development, including emotional, behavioural, and social outcomes.
When both parents are struggling, the risks for children increase further.
Supporting fathers and non-birthing partners improves:
Co-parenting quality
Relationship satisfaction
Bonding with the baby
The mental health of the birthing parent
When we care for partners, we’re not “taking away” from moms, we’re strengthening the entire support system around the baby.
When to Reach Out for Support
It may be time to seek support if, for more than two weeks, you’re noticing:
You rarely feel like yourself anymore
You’re constantly on edge, angry, or shut down
You’re avoiding your baby or partner
Work, substances, screens, or hobbies are becoming an escape rather than a healthy outlet
You’re having intrusive thoughts that scare you
You’re thinking your family might be better off without you
Support can include:
Individual therapy (in person or virtual) with someone who understands perinatal mental health and the experiences of dads/non-birthing partners
Couples therapy to navigate the transition to parenthood, communication, and changing roles
Peer support groups for fathers and partners
Medical support (e.g., talking with a family doctor, midwife, OB, or psychiatrist about options including medication when appropriate)
Community resources such as perinatal mental health organizations, helplines, or online groups
If you’re reading this and recognizing yourself (or someone you love), consider this your invitation to take the next small step: talk to your healthcare provider, reach out to a therapist, or share honestly with a trusted person in your life.
